last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
