I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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