Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
