Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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