Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
