is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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