The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
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it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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