dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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