I wanna passion pit in your ass
is wine microwaveable?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
