Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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