I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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