I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
