dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
