Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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