I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
