If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
