you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
