I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
