Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
