Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
