Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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