Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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