When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
