did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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