**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
