i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
