How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
