So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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