ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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