You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
