He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
