JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I love you. Go after that dick
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
