so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
