I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
operation harelip BJ is a go
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
cat food counts as protein by the way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
