I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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