A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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