the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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