This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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