I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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