3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
