I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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