After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
