remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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