He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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