My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
