oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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