i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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