Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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