It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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