So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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