just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
