Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
