what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You took a bar mat shot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am naked and annoyed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
