suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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