Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
