maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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