: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Are we still banned from the library?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
