You really coming over, don't trick.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
