Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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