Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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