whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you guys were way drunker than both of me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
