Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
this is an emotional support booty call
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
