I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize