please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
