My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize