Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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