I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, beer. Big fan.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
