So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
