fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
