i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
