Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
