Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize