How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
