This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
