Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
