I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Such a big mess for such a small penis
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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